Nintendo Chapter 1: Fox's Rage

"It has recently been confirmed that Dimento has been defeated by Mario and Luigi once again," droned the voice of a news anchor from a broken TV in the window of a store. "But while the war has ended, various looting sprees continue to persist..."

In a rundown part of the Mushroom Kingdom, a man in green named Tingle walked nervously along, looking about for any sign of trouble. He seemed to be safe...until something jumped in front of him. "Ah! Mister Wario, sir!" Tingle gasped. "Uh, um, how are you this fine day? Tingle has the gold you desired so..." The figure, Wario, took something out of his pocket, a clove of garlic, and munched on it sinisterly. "No! Wait! Seirously! Tingle has what you desire! I will show you! Do not punish poor Tingle yet!" Wario turned around and bent over. Nervously, Tingle began to use a spell, reciting, "Tingle Tingle kooloo---"

PFFFFFFFFFFTH!!!

"...Limp-ah," Tingle moaned as he fell over from the noxiousness he had just inhaled.

Wario snickered as he turned and cracked his knuckles. He was a particularly obese man with beady black eyes, blue bags on the sides of his eyes, brown hair, a bulbous pink nose, and a jagged mustache sitting atop his massive jaw and wicked grin. He wore a blue biker's jacket, a darker blue shirt underneath, yellow fingerless gloves, purple pants and shoes, and a yellow biker's helmet with goggles and a blue 'W' on the front.

"Shoulda paid up sooner, shrimp," Wario grunted, "Else you'd still be breathing-a." Wario picked up Tingle's unmoving body and shook him violently, jarring loose a stream of coins. "Hee hee hee hee, this'll put WarioWare Inc. in the high life for good!" Wario gleefully picked up his recent grab into a sack. With his job done, Wario waddled off, his coinsack slung over his back, giving him the look of a greedy peddler. And just when it seemed like he was in the clear...

Swish.

"Eh?" Wario dropped his sack and looked around.

Swish.

The sack of coins dissappeared. "Ack! My money!" Wario wailed. His eyes narrowed as he growled, "This ain't-a your playground..."

Whatever was rushing past him began to surround him. "Get your tail back to Corneria City before I pulverize ya! Fox McCloud!" Wario snapped, pounding his fist into his hand. But ironically enough, HE wound up getting pulverized.

His attacker, Fox McCloud, stood over him. This fellow was an anthropomorphic fox with brown fur and a white muzzle, wearing a white jacket, green undershirt and pants, black and red boots, and gray and red fingerless gloves. He also had a backpack that held some sort of staff, as well as a holstered blaster, and a reflector on his belt.

"Same as ever, eh, Wario?" Fox quipped. "Don't bother getting up, I'll be sure to call someone to give you a ride to the Mushroom Kingdom Dungeons."

Wario got back up, a mean look in his eye. "I ain't-a goin' down without a fight, ya mongrel!" he roared as he shoulder charged forward.

Quickly, Fox whipped out his reflector and blocked Wario's attack. Then, drawing his staff, Fox charged forward and whacked Wario left and right; but as Fox attempted to land one last blow, Wario bit down on the end of the staff with his teeth and whipped Fox into the side of a nearby Toad House. Summoning his Wario Chopper, he rode towards the house in an attempt to mow Fox down. He never suspected a flurry of laser blasts to erupt from the wreckage; Wario tried to shield himself from the blasts, but one of them pierced the engine of his chopper, blasting it to pieces and sending Wario flying comically through the air; he landed in the dirt with a thud, face down.

Fox trotted over to the unconcious King of Greed as he got out a communicator. "Fox McCloud to Samus Aran, I just took on Wario and beat the gold out of him," Fox spoke.

"Nice work, McCloud," replied a seductive female voice, apparently Samus Aran. "I'll contact Princess Peach's guards and get them to haul Wario off to the dungeon. In the meantime, I need you over in Hyrule."

"Roger that, I'll be over in---" Fox stopped and held his head, moaning in pain; a strange yellow gleam flashed in his eyes for only a moment before it subsided.

"Fox, you alright?" Samus asked.

"Y-yeah," Fox sighed, shaking his head. "Just felt kinda dizzy for a second..."

"It's those SpeedTrak chips you installed in your boots, they're making you dizzy," Samus replied sternly. "Forget it, I'll see if Ness is free to cover Hyrule."

"No, I'm perfectly fine," Fox protested. "I'm on my way to Hyrule right now!" And with that, the leader of the StarFox team rushed off to Hyrule, leaving a weary Wario to lay on the ground in pain.

--- --- --- ---

The vast land of Hyrule sat with a peaceful night backdrop behind it...at least in the fields. In the royal village, though, things were looking ugly, as thieves and smugglers plundered and pillaged shops and towns left and right, buildings going up in smoke. But sitting atop a tower of the royal castle was a young woman, and believe me when I say this, she was the strangest woman you'd ever find; veloptuously beautiful, absolutely, but in a very weird way. She had greenish gray skin, reddsh eyes, full purple lips, firey orange hair, and strange jade markings on her thighs, lower legs, and arms. All she wore aside from a black bikini and loincloth was a long black cloak that covered the back of her head, and a strange ornament on her head with a ruby in the center.

"Hmm...seems like a busy night for the Hero of Time and his angel friend," the woman sighed. "If only he had a sword that would let him handle four things at once, he wouldn't have so much on his hands..." She leaned back and pulled out a strange-looking jewel; a green emerald surrounded by a gold frame. "Well, at least what he or the Sages won't know won't hurt him."

"Can't say the same about you," chuckled a voice as Fox jumped over the edge and drew his staff and blaster. "Alright, Midna, you know that belongs to the Temple of Time; cough it up!"

The woman, apparently named Midna, stood up and gave Fox a plain look. "No can do, Foxy," she giggled. "I'm protecting it for the sake of the Sages. I'm sure you understand..."

With a step of her heels, Midna threw the cloak over herself and dissappeared onto the next rooftop. Thinking she had outrun Fox, she sauntered away, her hips moving hypnotically as she did. Unfortunately, that didn't stop Fox from zipping right in front of her.

"You know what's strange about you?" Fox asked. "You say you're one of the good guys, but you constantly tease people. What gives?"

"Women in my dimension are complicated," Midna replied simply, putting her hands on her hips and raising a brow.

Fox twirled his blaster carlessly. "Alright, guess there's no point in chasing you halfway to Kongo Bongo Island," he sighed.

"Nor is there any point in explaining myself," Midna replied, a hint of rage in her voice.

"Hey, hey, there's no need to fight," Fox warned, readying himself.

"Too bad, McCloud...this'll make up for missing the Brawl Tournament," Midna growled as she held her hand out. With a flick of her wrist, an orange whip lashed out and snapped at Fox's feet, nearly sending him off the edge of the roof. Midna almost came down on Fox using a similarly-colored sword, but Fox stopped it with his staff; the two pushed against each other, but Fox won the struggle and turned the tables on Midna.

Fox crouched down a ways as fire surrounded his boots, then his entire being. He rocketed forward as he shouted, "FLAME ON!!!" He knocked Midna off the edge of the building, but the Twili maiden landed gracefully on her feet. Fox was quick to follow her down; readying two orange blades in her palms, she deflected several rapid-fire shots from Fox's blaster. She didn't count on one shot slipping by her and nailing her in the thigh. Midna flinched and crumpled to the ground, the gem rolling out from her person.

"Now you see why I don't hang out with the hero crowd?" Midna asked rhetorically.

Before either one could say anything more, someone stomped up to the two and observed the gem. It was a giant of a man wearing crimson armor; helmet, shoulder pads, gauntlets, boots, you name it. The man had the look and feel of a living tank. He was the unstoppable Juggernaut

"Heh, I'm bettin' this'll be worth millions," Juggernaut guffawed.

"Hey, what's your deal, big fella? Are y---AAAGH!!!" Fox screamed in pain as his eyes glowed yellow again; he held his head in agony as he tried to shake off what was overtaking him.

"You look a little under the weather, little man," Juggernaut smirked, unaware Midna was sneaking up on him.

"Thanks, handsome," Midna purred, swiping the gem clear from Juggernaut's hand.

"What the---hey! Come back here, ya little freak!" Juggernaut snapped as he lumbered towards an escaping Midna.

Little did Midna realize, she was running straight into a portal that appeared out of nowhere. "Wha--woah!" was all Midna could say before she stumbled in, closing the portal.

Juggernaut gritted his teeth in frustration, dissapointed he let his catch get away. "Hand over the gem!" Fox snapped, his voice eerily distorted.

"Lay off, your little playmate stole it from me!" Juggernaut snorted.

"So, you helped her, huh?" Fox questioned. "Guess I'll be taking YOU down, too!"

Juggernaut only cracked his knuckles. He tried to nail Fox with a left hook...but Fox swiftly dodged to the right. Flabbergasted at his speed, Juggernaut tried a right hook, but to the same result. A double-fisted uppercut, Fox only zipped backward. And finally, an axe-handle slam by Juggernaut only resulted in Fox swerving to the right.

"The bigger they are, the slower they fight," Fox taunted.

Juggernaut's eyes narrowed. "Don't you know who I am?" he asked, clenching his gauntleted fists.

Fox only aimed his blaster and readied his staff. Juggernaut stomped forward as he shouted,

"I'm the JUGGERNAUT, BITCH!!!"

And without even taking a second thought, Juggernaut charged forward and rammed right into Fox. The goliath crashed through several walls in the village, looking to severely damage Fox, and stopped on a wall, pinning him down with his hand. "Bah! Nobody can stop me! I'm an indestructable---" Juggernaut was cut off when he was blasted away by Fox's FireFox ability. He looked at a now-flaming Fox in fear and surprise. "N-no...it's not possible!" he stammered. "I'm supposed to be unstoppable!"

"First time for everything," Fox sniffed. Rushing forward, Fox knocked Juggernaut on his back, and stood on his stomach. Then, drawing his staff and flipping the pointed end downward, he was about to impale the formerly-unstoppable Juggernaut. Until...

"STOP!"

From another tower came two new figures. One of them was a well-built man wearing a green tunic, matching stocking cap, and brown boots and gauntlets; he also had a sword and shield on him. The other was an angel with blue eyes and messy brown hair wearing white robes and brown sandals; in his hands was a blue bow. "Fox, what do you think you're doing?!" the angel asked.

"Pit! Link!" Fox snarled. "This guy tried to kill me! Now, I'm gonna return the favor!"

Link's mouth gaped open in surprise. He cast Fox a stern look. "What?!" Fox fumed. "He deserves it!"

"The Fox WE know doesn't kill," Pit replied.

"We all have to move up to Teen ratings sometimes!!" Fox sneered with a wicked grin. He rose his staff up, but Link quickly countered by throwing his boomerang at Fox's hands, knocking it away. The Hero of Time rushed forward and slashed at Fox using the Master Sword, but Fox jumped out of the way and picked up his staff as he rolled backward.

"I gotta get outta here!" Juggernaut mumbled to himself, picking himself up and running away.

Pit launched an arrow from his bow, but Fox pierced it with a blaster shot. The leader of the Starfox team then fended off blows from both Link AND Pit, having to twist and swing his staff left and right to block the shots. It all came to a stop when Fox thrusted his staff into the ground, causing an earthquake that blew Pit and Link backward.

Fox stomped up to Link, who struggled to get to his senses. "That's it?" he asked angrily. "That's all you've got?! I thought you were the greatest hero of Hyrule!! ---GAAH!!"

Fox didn't realize that Link had thrusted a Light Arrow into Fox's knee, knocking him out. The Hero of Time, as well as Pit, got up and looked over the unconcious Fox. "Hmmph," Link nodded solemnly.

"This looks bad..." Pit said uneasily.